Look at the date of the last post!  Could it really have been that long?!  Well, that was at the end of my last pregnancy and then came child #4 …. I know, excuses, excuses!  However, I do think that most of my time was spent digging out from under piles of toys and mess from my 5, 6 and 8 year olds that they made when I was tending to other things.  Baby does take up so much of our time and now that my attention is divided 4 ways, I just can’t stand over them every moment.  Plus, let’s face it, they are getting rather crafty in their methods for what they call “cleaning up”.  UGH!

Ok, so let’s talk about how to get some control over this whole process of big kids cleaning up their things.  Great idea, but how come their manual doesn’t even cover the subject?!  Well, we did try many things, each with different levels of success, but I’m going to share the most effective techniques that we ended up keeping.  We use them together to create something that we can live with.

1)  Promises on the Wall
2)  10-10 Clean Up Rounds
3)  Clean Up Music

Promises on the Wall
This was step 1.  It began with a conversation in the form of a family meeting where we discussed the fact that some of us (lol) felt we had a big problem.  We focused on the key things that the kids were doing that caused the biggest headaches.  Some of them were things they all did and each kid had one thing that was their own personal favorite … hehehe.

For example, my son developed this love for dumping out all of his toys from every container into a pile.  Together.  Building blocks, itty bitty legos, games, puzzles.  All in a pile.  Then, he didn’t play with any of it.  Get the picture?

Then my youngest daughter.  Well, she perfected the art of “dash and tuck” — hiding all those little pieces of toys that escaped the clean up activity.  When sent to put them away in the proper toy, she would hide them somewhere – anywhere.  And they weren’t great hiding places either because you’d find them in the next room under a pillow or the edge of a chair – she’d tuck them in the first place that was beyond our line of sight.  We’d find them, call her back, give her the piece and tell her to put it away and she just finds another hiding place.  This could go on and on.  Once I’m freed up to follow the little mouse to make sure she does it properly, I do, but you know how it goes!  Baby needs feeding, changing, burping, etc. or one of a million other things and you just can’t follow them all at the same time!

When they get bigger, they perfect that scatter technique that makes our job even harder.  That’s that thing they do when they all go in different directions and you can’t watch them all at once.  (This would be the completely opposite technique from the one used when you actually suggest that they separate and have some “alone time” so that you can call the doctor without fighting in the background, etc.  Then, they must stick to one another like velcro and push every known button that will make the others whine, cry and carry on.)

Anyway, I’m getting off point.  So we met and discussed the problems we had around the general practice, or lack thereof, of the kids cleaning up after themselves.  Then we had THEM tell US what they heard us say were the things they did that made us crazy, but in their own words.  We tweaked them ever so slightly into statements of things they either would begin doing or stop doing.  Below are some of the promises that we developed WITH our kids.  Feel free to use them as a starting point for developing your own.

1) I promise to play with toys the right way.
2) I promise to not make huge messes.
3) I promise to clean up more often.
4) I promise to clean up as a team.

#1 came from an issue we had where they would (very creatively) use a toy for something it was not intended for, either risking the safety of playmates, damage to the toy or both.  #3 came from our realization that the bigger the mess, the less likely they were to clean because it was too intimidating.  So, we started taking little breaks to clean up anything that they were no longer interested in playing with. (See 10-10 Clean Up Rounds below for more details.)

We wrote these promises on a huge sheet of paper, like 12″x18″.  Then we had the kids “sign” their names at the bottom and we posted it right on the wall close to where they play the most.  We refer to them often and they know what’s on that list without even looking at it now.

10-10 Clean Up Rounds
This is a name that I made up so that we had something unique to call it that the kids would instantly recognize.  The rules are a bit like a game and a challenge, so oddly enough, it works.  The first thing that we noticed was that the kids have a very short attention span and although they can play hard for a really long time, that’s not so for work … hehehe

So, 10-10 Clean Up Rounds work like this.  We time them for 10 minutes.  And they know that they only have to do it for 10 minutes, but they must give us that whole 10.  So, during that 10 minutes, each child grabs 10 things and puts them away.  Big or small, it doesn’t matter.  Then, once they reach 10, they come to the parent and tell them what they cleaned up.  Then we praise them and send them off for another 10.  What ends up happening is that they compete with one another to clean up the most things and they come to us less and less to tell us what they’ve done.  They do the first 10 and then move right on to the next.  At the end they proudly report “I cleaned up 31 things!”.  And again, if it’s 31 of those ridiculously tiny littlest pet shop things, that’s OK — they needed cleaning up and YOU don’t want to do it!  In fact, the bigger numbers gives them a real sense of accomplishment.

Now, you combine this with promise #3 above, and you can develop a little system that YOU control.  If the mess is huge, you call for a 10-10 Clean Up Round more often.  Call for 1 every hour throughout the day and suddenly they will have it under control.  They won’t notice that they actually spent a combined total of 80 minutes cleaning up.  And it will be far more effective than that last hour of the day before dinner when you can’t get them to clean up for 15 minutes, let alone the whole hour that the day’s mess will need.

Clean Up Music
This one is for fun and motivation.  It is also a privilege because sometimes things can get out of hand quickly.  So, the rule is that if they aren’t working, the music gets turned off.  What I did was start with an internet search for kids’ clean up songs.  I found a ton and the kids were already familiar with many from some of the shows they watch.  Some were just instrumental, but were energizing and just make you want to get up and move.  So, we picked a ton and burned a CD.  We play it when it’s time to do chores.  At first it was for during the 10-10 Clean Up Rounds, but as we’ve increased their responsibilities over the last year, we use it for chore time too.  We all end up getting into it and suddenly we’re all dancing around the house, emptying all the trash bins, doing the recyclables, etc.  Again, if the work stops, so does the music, and they don’t like that, so it really provides a great incentive!

Of course, all kids are different (I think I say that in every post) so your results may vary.  But, try these and change them based on your own family.  Hopefully though, this gives you a starting point and will get your own creative ideas flowing to help you tackle this challenge.  We’ve had plenty of failed ideas that we thought were pretty good ones when we dreamed them up, but it’s through those failures that we find the successes!

If you’re looking for something revolutionary, that’s not what I would call it. If you’re afraid to stand up to your kids or hold your ground when they fight your rules, then you need to look for another solution. Why? Because the answer to this common question is remarkably similar in structure and implementation to many of the other discipline and child rearing techniques that have stood the test of time. As parents, we must establish the rules and remain consistent both in our expectations and the consequences for non-compliance.

The cornerstone of the whole feeding ritual is that you must actually feed the children those things that you want them to eat. Don’t feed them what you don’t want them to eat. It may take a little time to perfect it, but I know from experience that it can be done and DOES work. We have had countless comments from friends, family and even strangers on how well our children eat. More importantly, all 3 of them are nicely slender, maintaining perfect weight, according to the doctor. They willingly eat brussels sprouts, spinach (a favorite), broccoli, green beans, squash, salad, cauliflower, soy beans, water chestnuts, sweet potatoes, etc.

Here are a few general rules that you will find at the heart of our approach to meals.

1) While pregnant, eat a balanced and widely varied diet.
2) Establish a regular and well paced schedule for meals and snacks — and stick to it.
3) Introduce new foods and flavors gradually.
4) Dish up appropriate serving sizes.
5) Sweets are treats, not a staple.

Yes, it starts before birth! Believe it or not, your baby is already learning about taste while in the womb. Information about the flavors of what you eat passes to the baby. This is really the beginning of introducing new foods and flavors gradually.

A regular schedule is not only the most healthy way for us to eat, but fits with our children’s need to operate on a set schedule. We see the negative consequences all the time. What happens when they get up earlier than normal, go to bed later or miss a nap? What if one parent isn’t home on time or is away? It affects some kids more than others, but all kids require structure. The same goes for meals. Establishing a schedule helps to prevent overeating and getting over hungry. Snacks are very important for maintaining steady blood sugar levels and an even metabolism throughout the day. Just make sure they are healthy and spaced out evenly between meals.

Introducing new foods gradually allows children’s developing palates to become familiar with the new flavors and textures. You would be surprised to learn which foods are considered “acquired tastes”, meaning that we have to develop a liking for them. Many are foods we eat regularly as adults and present to our children as normal. To them, they taste awful! When you first feed a new food, serve a very small quantity. If they like it, let them have more. If it’s not a hit, that’s OK. However, if you’ve served one slice of carrot, the rule should be that they must eat that carrot slice. Don’t let them get away with refusing to taste it. The next time the food is served, increase the amount you dish up to the child, say 2 carrot slices. For foods you serve regularly, it really won’t be long before you are spooning out a full serving without argument. Now yes, there are times when you find foods that the child truly doesn’t like. However, those rules you establish will allow you to tell the difference between true dislike and unwillingness to try new things. Let’s look at those rules.

Rule #1: Only one menu is served to the whole family for a meal. If you don’t like it, you can eat at the next scheduled mealtime.
Rule #2: Eat what you are served.
Rule #3: Dessert is EARNED and only served if the primary meal is eaten to the parents’ satisfaction.
Rule #4: Variety, variety, variety

So, when these are made rules to live by and you stick to them, when you do run up against that food that is not liked, you should find that the children will eat their meals, even if they don’t love it. Do we have some tears and complaints? Yes. Is it common? No. Our kids understand and generally abide by the rules.

Now, there is a small trick to this — portion sizes! Believe it or not, plates full of food are threatening to children — even if it’s full of food they love. You need to figure out what the correct portion sizes are for your kids. Looking at the food pyramid is helpful. Also look for resources about child sized portions. The average package will tell you the adult portion size, but the child portion is smaller. You want to ensure that you are feeding them enough but not too much. We have grown to love our kitchen scale for consistent portions. We use it daily. The children even weigh some of their own portions such as cereal and snacks. It’s a priceless teaching tool on how to know how much is the right amount. As you start serving consistent portions, it becomes easy to tell what’s right for individual children. I have one child who just doesn’t need as much food, so we give her lighter portions of each food, but still in balanced proportion. My son, on the other hand, eats twice what the girls eat. He’s all muscle with virtually no fat and is in constant motion.

One practice that is critical is to teach that sweets are treats and not a food group! Besides the obvious nutritional problems that arise from throwing their diet out of balance with too much sugar, they grow to want only that taste. This results in problems getting them to accept the not so glamorous flavors of the foods that keep us healthy from day to day.

You must have heard it before: “Eat a variety of foods”. Well, that’s what we’re talking about. Especially with children. They already have a tendency to find one thing they like and hide behind it as a safety net so they don’t have to try all those other scary foods out there. Don’t give in! Whether it’s their favorite breakfast cereal, peanut butter and jelly for lunch or hot dogs for dinner. Don’t serve the same thing more than once a week if you can help it. There are literally hundreds of choices out there! Favorites are fine and I’m not saying to take those away, but get them used to the variety. It helps to combat their natural tendencies to develop habitual tastes as well. Create some of your own rules like “try 1 new cereal per week” or “eat the favorite only once a week”. There’s something about telling kids that something is a rule — they don’t often question why it’s a rule or where it came from — they just recognize it as a rule that both you and he/she must abide by. Sure they’ll figure out eventually that you’re the one making the rules, but by then, they’ll be eating like champions!

From experience, I can say that some points we’ve covered can be tough to get used to. Child sized portions can look awfully tiny on a plate! Think of what a measured 1/2 cup of ice cream looks like in a dish compared to what we really want to eat! But, eventually, as you watch your child develop at a healthy weight, you’ll know that you’ve gotten it right. Our first child did begin to develop a bit of a tummy at about 1 year and we in turn lightened up on her portions. She quickly grew into that little extra she had and has remained slim since. With each subsequent child, the learning process was much quicker.

Also, depending on your own personal eating and snacking habits, some rules and tips may also pose more of a challenge. We certainly have looked at our own habits and made some changes because we are now so much more aware of when we make the wrong choices for ourselves. So, it goes beyond the children! You may even form some healthy habits of your own.

Most importantly, don’t give up! Like any other part of child-rearing, this will take work. However, it is a critical part of their development and lays the foundation for a lifetime of healthy eating! Use this approach in conjunction with the food pyramid and guidelines for consumption of fat, carbohydrates, fiber, etc. for making your choices and you’re well on your way!