If you’re looking for something revolutionary, that’s not what I would call it. If you’re afraid to stand up to your kids or hold your ground when they fight your rules, then you need to look for another solution. Why? Because the answer to this common question is remarkably similar in structure and implementation to many of the other discipline and child rearing techniques that have stood the test of time. As parents, we must establish the rules and remain consistent both in our expectations and the consequences for non-compliance.

The cornerstone of the whole feeding ritual is that you must actually feed the children those things that you want them to eat. Don’t feed them what you don’t want them to eat. It may take a little time to perfect it, but I know from experience that it can be done and DOES work. We have had countless comments from friends, family and even strangers on how well our children eat. More importantly, all 3 of them are nicely slender, maintaining perfect weight, according to the doctor. They willingly eat brussels sprouts, spinach (a favorite), broccoli, green beans, squash, salad, cauliflower, soy beans, water chestnuts, sweet potatoes, etc.

Here are a few general rules that you will find at the heart of our approach to meals.

1) While pregnant, eat a balanced and widely varied diet.
2) Establish a regular and well paced schedule for meals and snacks — and stick to it.
3) Introduce new foods and flavors gradually.
4) Dish up appropriate serving sizes.
5) Sweets are treats, not a staple.

Yes, it starts before birth! Believe it or not, your baby is already learning about taste while in the womb. Information about the flavors of what you eat passes to the baby. This is really the beginning of introducing new foods and flavors gradually.

A regular schedule is not only the most healthy way for us to eat, but fits with our children’s need to operate on a set schedule. We see the negative consequences all the time. What happens when they get up earlier than normal, go to bed later or miss a nap? What if one parent isn’t home on time or is away? It affects some kids more than others, but all kids require structure. The same goes for meals. Establishing a schedule helps to prevent overeating and getting over hungry. Snacks are very important for maintaining steady blood sugar levels and an even metabolism throughout the day. Just make sure they are healthy and spaced out evenly between meals.

Introducing new foods gradually allows children’s developing palates to become familiar with the new flavors and textures. You would be surprised to learn which foods are considered “acquired tastes”, meaning that we have to develop a liking for them. Many are foods we eat regularly as adults and present to our children as normal. To them, they taste awful! When you first feed a new food, serve a very small quantity. If they like it, let them have more. If it’s not a hit, that’s OK. However, if you’ve served one slice of carrot, the rule should be that they must eat that carrot slice. Don’t let them get away with refusing to taste it. The next time the food is served, increase the amount you dish up to the child, say 2 carrot slices. For foods you serve regularly, it really won’t be long before you are spooning out a full serving without argument. Now yes, there are times when you find foods that the child truly doesn’t like. However, those rules you establish will allow you to tell the difference between true dislike and unwillingness to try new things. Let’s look at those rules.

Rule #1: Only one menu is served to the whole family for a meal. If you don’t like it, you can eat at the next scheduled mealtime.
Rule #2: Eat what you are served.
Rule #3: Dessert is EARNED and only served if the primary meal is eaten to the parents’ satisfaction.
Rule #4: Variety, variety, variety

So, when these are made rules to live by and you stick to them, when you do run up against that food that is not liked, you should find that the children will eat their meals, even if they don’t love it. Do we have some tears and complaints? Yes. Is it common? No. Our kids understand and generally abide by the rules.

Now, there is a small trick to this — portion sizes! Believe it or not, plates full of food are threatening to children — even if it’s full of food they love. You need to figure out what the correct portion sizes are for your kids. Looking at the food pyramid is helpful. Also look for resources about child sized portions. The average package will tell you the adult portion size, but the child portion is smaller. You want to ensure that you are feeding them enough but not too much. We have grown to love our kitchen scale for consistent portions. We use it daily. The children even weigh some of their own portions such as cereal and snacks. It’s a priceless teaching tool on how to know how much is the right amount. As you start serving consistent portions, it becomes easy to tell what’s right for individual children. I have one child who just doesn’t need as much food, so we give her lighter portions of each food, but still in balanced proportion. My son, on the other hand, eats twice what the girls eat. He’s all muscle with virtually no fat and is in constant motion.

One practice that is critical is to teach that sweets are treats and not a food group! Besides the obvious nutritional problems that arise from throwing their diet out of balance with too much sugar, they grow to want only that taste. This results in problems getting them to accept the not so glamorous flavors of the foods that keep us healthy from day to day.

You must have heard it before: “Eat a variety of foods”. Well, that’s what we’re talking about. Especially with children. They already have a tendency to find one thing they like and hide behind it as a safety net so they don’t have to try all those other scary foods out there. Don’t give in! Whether it’s their favorite breakfast cereal, peanut butter and jelly for lunch or hot dogs for dinner. Don’t serve the same thing more than once a week if you can help it. There are literally hundreds of choices out there! Favorites are fine and I’m not saying to take those away, but get them used to the variety. It helps to combat their natural tendencies to develop habitual tastes as well. Create some of your own rules like “try 1 new cereal per week” or “eat the favorite only once a week”. There’s something about telling kids that something is a rule — they don’t often question why it’s a rule or where it came from — they just recognize it as a rule that both you and he/she must abide by. Sure they’ll figure out eventually that you’re the one making the rules, but by then, they’ll be eating like champions!

From experience, I can say that some points we’ve covered can be tough to get used to. Child sized portions can look awfully tiny on a plate! Think of what a measured 1/2 cup of ice cream looks like in a dish compared to what we really want to eat! But, eventually, as you watch your child develop at a healthy weight, you’ll know that you’ve gotten it right. Our first child did begin to develop a bit of a tummy at about 1 year and we in turn lightened up on her portions. She quickly grew into that little extra she had and has remained slim since. With each subsequent child, the learning process was much quicker.

Also, depending on your own personal eating and snacking habits, some rules and tips may also pose more of a challenge. We certainly have looked at our own habits and made some changes because we are now so much more aware of when we make the wrong choices for ourselves. So, it goes beyond the children! You may even form some healthy habits of your own.

Most importantly, don’t give up! Like any other part of child-rearing, this will take work. However, it is a critical part of their development and lays the foundation for a lifetime of healthy eating! Use this approach in conjunction with the food pyramid and guidelines for consumption of fat, carbohydrates, fiber, etc. for making your choices and you’re well on your way!